neuropathy nerve damage, left side tremors weakness motor-hurdles & stiffness (genetic or concussion-related)

*if you have a few parallel symptoms, you or yours may well have the same as yet undiagnosed and/or genetic fate hence my sharing, it took doctors 13 years to diagnose what i described to my live-in posture-pro yoga-teacher GF and my journals as neuropathic nerve-related issues the entire time. 

diagnosis: neuropathy nerve damage, left side tremors weakness motor-hurdles & stiffness (genetic or concussion-related)

summary:  i have left side weakness tremors shakes numbing and neuropathy throughout aka ‘crossed-wires/signals’ re inflamed autonomic nerves suboptimizing various vital functions incl GI, blood vessels, breathing, swallowing, palpitations, re sensory/motor nerves that interfere with my work quality and ability to endure long hours (3+ hrs) on my feet or consecutive long workdays without pain.  

medical: impaired MTHFr gene/enzyme, rely on vit CD and methylated Bs, rely on CBD on workdays.  concussion 1982, low backpain since, sciatic episodes 1997, 2003, 2006.  ER visits 2011, 2016, 2019 for breathing/dizzy/chestpain that coincide to excess refinery emissions/flaring events 20 miles away.

physical:  chronic/progressive loss of strength, numbing, tripping, tremors, spasms/twitching/jolting, muscle fatigue, foot/heel pain, stiff/immobile left shoulder, shaky/weak left arm, frequent low-grade headaches, imbalance, skin crawl/buzz/jolt, palpitations, come/go joint stiffness/pain, can feel wiped-out with breathing sweating dizzy spells (most notable post-refinery flaring) with minimal exertion.

• intense/chronic low back ache/stiffness ex. standing after bending, groom teeth/toenails, work.
• daily mid-upper back/neck pain from being upright, worse if standing, to work i must dose CBD.
• quads/calves often burn out super easily, then endure extreme sore muscle 7 day recovery.

autonomic:  low body temperature, low energy, blood vessels/pressure, random periodic palpitations, distention/gas/reflux, bowel dysmotility, overactive bladder, breathing and nasal issues (stuffed/pnd).  at times feel like i 'need more air' winded walking on flat ground, sometimes even climbing into bed. 

motor:  gait impairment ‘hesitation on toepush’ where leg loses brain-signal mid-stride posing a tripping hazard, same leg ‘loses signal’ for millisecond so semi-buckles descending first flight stairs in am, L shoulder stiff and arm-swing lifeless/dangles, L arm tics/jolts, L fingertips at times numbing, L foot lost 50% motor control and range motion in ‘17, L foot 15% numbing as of '06 (like sock folded under), R toe numbing ‘19.

• both legs tremble when standing, ham/calf cramp, quads burnout quick/easy, L 33% weaker.
• L arm trembles and gives out ever sooner, ever weaker, and gym may be counterproductive.
• diminished fine motor control interferes with L hand typing, driving, cutting food, using tools, finessing video cameras, or holding the car 'center lane' without swerving over dots both sides.
• numbing feet are hard to adapt to and to groom numb toes begs extra care to not hurt oneself.  
• L knee tweaky, R hip cramps/stiffens, R ankle randomly sprainy; on bad days all cause limp.

sensory:  hypersensitivity to bright lights/glare, to high pitch noises since 03 but gradually everworse, lifelong R ear hearing loss/ringing; all triggers that grate on inflamed nerves or amplify crossed-wires:

• tactile sensations: cold limbs, skin crawl/body buzz, burning spots, numbing toes/feet/fingers.

• noises: all high-pitch squeaks/rattles/screeches ex. brakes, metal chairs on cement floors, kitchen/cafe klanking ex. glass/ceramic/metal, people biting on metal forks, straw-slurping, sucking food stuck in teeth, nose-blowing, whistling, whistling teeth/nostrils, lisps, loud talk/laughter, high-pitch voices, most sopranos, women talking over each other, crinkling plastic/paper, tinny speakerphone, nail clippers, etc. so I avoid loud crowded locales.  loud obnoxious cars/motorbikes have always rattled/irritated me; once threw eggs from a balcony in the Castro down at a biker gang on Harleys rattling the block as they looped around a 3rd time.

• bright lights: can’t tolerate LED lights/headlamps and inconsiderate dimwit drivers who never turn their brights off make night driving near impossible, even with dark glasses, cant stand any glare on laptop screen and must remedy if present, have 'needed' indirect lighting and dimmers since college.  until i have extra high-beams mounted to the rear and 30 degrees to the front to blind them back, i avoid night driving. it's so irritating/intolerable to 10% of us that folks with sensitive nerves need to petition the gov to un-ban halogen bulbs as a safer public health standard for the widest demographic.  

mind:  crossed-signals that regulate our focus/memory, motivation/confidence/mood and wit/phobias, cause brain fog aka confusion, focus and memory blanking (ex. missing scheduled dr. appointments and gigs that I had not forgotten about and was planning my whole day on attending, losing a thought 1-second to next faster than I can write it down).  sites/technologies that dont work right or are poorly designed, difficult to navigate, password loops, dont just annoy me, they grate on my nerves, cause stress.  had to turn off all ringers chimes and notifications for sanity.  with suboptimized systems, clarity of purpose, motivation to find others bearable, be social/engage or patient/resilient or complete tasks tends to drop or remain lower. 

• mediocre days can include low motivation/confidence, various combos of symptoms and intensity, and bad days can include 'feeling easily overwhelmed' by anything incl bumps in the roads traveled everyday, trigger emotional responses and amplify irrational phobias.
• bad days can include 'feeling more easily overwhelmed' by anything, more apt to react emotionally to lyrics/dramas/doubters more easily triggered, irrational phobias amplified.  some days, normal bumps in the road i drive daily rattle/irritate me indicating sensibilities/anxieties could be heightened.

irrational phobias

          ◦ of heights (ex. in tv ads/segments, action cameras stunts, dare devil selfies) 

          ◦ of tight spaces (ex. elevators, stop/go traffic jams, narrow or dimly lit tunnels, tight parking spaces, basement garages, stopping under overpasses

          ◦ of people half-distracted handling sharp blades ex. cook segments on live tv 
          ◦ of rabid raccoons/fox/coyote/skunk/opossum/pets or worse squirrels/rats

• people: loud, obnoxious, inconsiderate, those who lie to me, to a boss or peers in front of me, who can't be straight on all topics, who falsely accuse me, who dish it out then duck out or try to derail dominate muzzle or censor others, they can irritate the nerves,  trigger mood shift or wake the mediator/regulator who tries to inject other perspectives into one-sided scenarios.

inflammation stresses wits

All of these are byproducts of cascading stress in the system that feedback to amplify neural tissue inflammation which alters our ability to quell anxieties incl social, ward off phobias and face the fear of how all of it is only likely to gradually worsen. Overnight symptoms sometimes shift, and could get bad enough that I'm unable to do much more that the minimum. On good days I feel 85% able-bodied, but unable to engage regular aerobic work/exercise or be upright without some challenge, risk and duress.

unpredictable variables

While I get inspired by people in worse shape surmounting bigger hurdles ex. wheelchairs, dystrophy, diabetes, blindness, cancer, etc. I do wonder if they endure similar unpredictable nerve variables that can make tuesday very different from saturday, where altered motor, sensory, autonomic functions aka crossed-wires affect mind/cognitive anxieties, focus/motivation, etc. If they do have neuropathy to contend with, and many do, I think that is likely what adds some warped random mind-body challenges and variables that change/reshape the person’s personality/outlook.

swallowing/palpitations/jolts
Swallowing errors is a doozy, one anomaly I'm glad is not yet more frequent aka swallowing when you least expect it usually while reclining or sleeping which leads to instant choking and coughing bout, but also with whole mouthfuls of half chewed food while eating aka not fun to get used to. Luckily it is more rare than the extra strong 2-3 heartbeats pounding through the chest which happens near daily. Jolting, with an ‘electrocution’ feel is also unpleasant so at once/month luckily still rare in scope.

skin/reflux 

Assorted dermatitis from dryness to fatty cyst lipomas, eczema, skin flaking and peeling off from head to toe, scalp to shins, etc. Persistent indigestion and irregularity, bloating and reflux due to sibo and slow gut motility aka each meal takes 3+ hours to digest so i eat a brunch and 4p late lunch and a 7p beer is dinner then fast till 10a sleep at incline when reflux burn is bad, but need remedy.

most irritating

Bright LED lights/headlamps, kitchen glass/ceramic klanking, people who try so hard to suck-out food stuck between their teeth, specially if loud obnoxious, literally cant be in same room with my 70+ mom post-meals, straw-slurping, gap tooth lisps 3-4 tables over in a loud crowded cafe (cuts through all).

don’t panic mantra

'Relax don't panic' is my go-to mantra most often repeated to self, a dozen times in 2019. 

blurb to ex-wife of 1997 (asked her for divorce/marriage dates for disability application)

neuromuscular health sinking 25+ years in slow motion

and no amount of yoga was going to prevent it, yet

tanya kept luring me north, certain she had a fix.

2010 I knew it was nerves, confirmed 2019.

issues stacking so filing for disability.

got variety motor/weakness/coordination issues  

pain/numbing and electrical signals all crossed

interrupting sensory/motor/autonomic functions

interfering with most types of work/activities/fun.

left-hand driving (how i always drive) now warped due to subtle left side motor issues aka car crosses over dots one side of lane then the other (proprionics not able to counter the 10-lb resistance to hold wheel center-lane) so learning to drive with right hand, and i cant drive at night without dark lenses re bright LED too intense for many of us and i'm in that group.

due to hyper-sensitivity to high pitch noise ex. kitchen klanking etc i now avoid loud restaurants/cafes, avoid meals with others, and people in general. living with 'crossed wires' nerves comes with a variety of irritating triggers issues and challenges to navigate.

even my inability to commit to anything longterm since college/usmc incl relationships/career, could be a byproduct of same genetic crossed-wires and lifelong progressive chronic nerve degradation. another personal hunch is that our genetics largely determine our personality/demeanor. it's as valid as any other and i did diagnose myself accurately 13 years ahead of the medical profession.