subconscious stress tension anxiety | feeling subconsciously trapped, rut guilt

i think doctors and traditionalists are super conditioned to use psych as a catch all for whenever their blood tests/scans cant see anything, to mislabel misdiagnose thus mistreat ailments they do not understand.  

they get stuck in their biases, no matter that neuropathy can cause anxiety, but anxiety can't cause neuropathy.  it takes doctors/know-it-alls 25+ years to catch up to that concept.  so i find it a bit insulting to get dosed anti-anxiety in an ER room if you exhibit no signs of duress of any kind.  in my view, it's a copout.  stick to tylenol and lots of liquids/rest if unsure.

my issues are likely reflux related before they're anxiety-related.  but when ER dosed me atarax, i took the opportunity to dig deep and outline any unresolved worries and suppressed anxieties that may be at play.   in reflection, these could be at play, but i make the best of my situation and would put a few other things ahead of it incl reflux and neuropathy.  but if it was i would try neurofeedback to work through it, avoid drugs of any kind.

subconscious stress tension anxiety 
feeling subconsciously trapped, rut guilt

did i have one momentary 'ho hum another weekend in bed watching tv...  i should really find the will/drive/energy to use online dating to find a new mate to argue over what to watch next and who said what?  yes, i walk through it in 5 seconds until it sounds like a short-sighted cart-before-horse waste of energy reserves, both the dating investment and to maintain a relationship when i can barely get through the week focused on solely me as it is.  i may get this 'glimpse of guilt' every fri/sat night if i'm not 'out partying' like bachelors do, but immediately remind self it's rarely worth the risk, the strife, jealousy risking more hypertension stress due to inevitable arguments.

 

while I don't and can't dwell on it often, it does come up momentarily every weekend that I dont have the health energy money i want thus make no plans, go nowhere, interact with nobody, just do the same monotonous catch-up on todo list and tv routines i do every other day. 

my living room/guestroom situation and body ache/pain challenges are my daily reminders that i am stuck in a perpetual rut: no mate, no confidant, asocial, have nobody i am drawn to hangout with, live loveless cramped in a guestroom, no living room to share, do yoga or spread out roam in with privacy, no work no interview no bites hence the predicament, the visible cramped daily reminder is there and the guilt suppressed, specially weekends.  so it could be relevant, but if true, drugs are the least likely tool to help shift gears and get traction to get out of ditch.  good air, better health, yearly vacations, friends, jobs, my own place and a lovelife can fix that, in that order.  playing sports, being active outdoors ideal, but seems everyday less realistic as one needs health money desire to invest in people socially.

friends do try to help me break up patterns, and doctors have hinted for 5 years that i need to figure out how to create social breaks from mundane routines once/week and fun/social budget 3 day vacations twice a year to reset and reboot.  jason suggests travels ex. to asia, amanda, kristin and danny invites me to drive out to visit.  that or non-rx therapies make more sense.  

there is a mark steinberg, specializing in a non-rx neurofeedback therapy i've been considering since 2015 good for pain anxieties, neuropathies, clients on the autism to alzheimer spectrum, rx-resistant depression, has ads on tv and an office in walnut creek.  and before i go down the anxiety-rx wormhole i should visit him.  i wrote him into my directive so should at least meet the guy, give it a whirl.

if one can be undermined by subconscious anxiety then hypnotherapy is usually suggested, but if i already can outline my situational anxiety plus a 'love/romance avoidance' since age 19 as key unresolved blocks/issues to being social, then hypnotherapy not needed.