my neurology mid-2022 update

when people ask how I'm doing I try to keep it short, sweet, surface and not get deep into it socially.  i look fine and say i'm fine as it's tough to relate the multi-system duress and invisible symptoms which make some nights and afternoons challenging.  i overheard mom on speakerphone unable to relate my situation accurately when asked by a cousin nurse, which validates why i share my observations and discoveries in this biannual update.  

like a sloth, I now move/drive at half speed with half strength; if you don't see it then luck and I are managing to hide it.  it takes me 2-4x longer to do every single tiny thing ex reaching my hand to retrieve something from my pocket is a struggle that needs my other hand to help.  i have ok days and bad days, generally challenged 60% of the day, in phase 2 of 4 riding a one-way slowmotion spiral to multisystem semi-paralysis but dealing with it.  

as it gets worse, i felt compelled me to rewrite the focus of my directive to be 'open to curative or comfort medicine' and 'pro euthanasia on-demand for any unbearable chronic duress' only available in belgium (most nations only give you the deep sleep escape option with a terminal diagnosis and only 6 months left which is ridiculously too narrowly defined). 

and for various reasons i dont trust the path of 'needing ever stronger drug regimes that can't slow down, halt or reverse the pathology' which is all establishment medicine ever has to offer; what use it that?

given my neurological status and need for fresh air are at risk under fauxi lockdowns, i need to move away, sooner/better, from blue state mandates pushing risky leaky vaccines at high risk of compounding all my neurological issues and forcing me to suffocate myself with masks that increase my CO2 and lower my oxygen intake when i already have low cellular/blood oxygen.  for good reason i need to move to a red state, even a care facility, where I can breathe fresh ppe-free air, but moving to Belgium is my end goal ideal if it gets more intolerable than it is.

did you know (most dont)...

• if you have Parkinson's you may cope with dozens of dysfunction across multiple systems.  Parkinson's is a multisystem disorder (not just neurological) and it'll take 1-2 decades for the medical establishment to recategorize it as such.  
  
  
• outside of the shakes, 70% of parkinson's hurdles are non-motor and invisible, show up decades before visible/motor symptoms and pose bigger quality of life issues incl sleep issues, gastrointestinal, dental, vision/hearing/smell issues, bowel/bladder/urinary issues, phobia/anxiety and more.  
  
  
• people with healthy lifestyles may be more prone to Parkinson's and known PD protective factors incl routine nicotine smoking, high coffee consumption, and red meat, port wine, some alcohol and such 'bad' which cause high uric acid.  

so i made this post as quick reference yet conversational as i could.  the second half of this post incl new outtakes from my directive re my lifelong pro-euthenasia 'peaceful transitions' philosophy vs the path of endless non-curative rx/treatments.  and i close with a recap of my top 5 health-related opinions on medicine, masks, vaccines (too controversial to post sooner)...

• for most chronic illnesses and diseases, general medicine has no cure, and 99% treatments neither alter, halt nor slow down disease pathology, yet most treatments introduce a toxic burden to various systems in an endless game of 'temporarily alleviate some symptoms at risk of introducing new longterm issues'.  and i'm not interested in partaking in that.
  
  
• Parkinson's is mostly invisible duress and it gets bad enough to nullify quality of life QoL and make you plan for how to navigate worst cases ex moving to Belgium (the most liberal free choice euthenasia laws) to live out your days where residents and visitors are most empowered to pull the plug to escape 'incurable/unbearable' painful slow motion degeneration and the assorted multi system miseries that tends to come with it.

backgrounder

as MD's couldn't verify my 2006/12/16 symptoms, i was forced to dabble in alternative therapies that offered tests that spotted issues regular medicine could not, and discovering key impaired gene variants, I set up my bloodposture blog 3+ years before any diagnosis to host my self-discovery self-doctoring journey...

Parkinson's was diagnosed by a neurologist at-sight jun 2021, and by a movement disorder specialist nov 2021, and since 2021.Q4, i'm in phase 2 of 4 as the quasi paralysis/dexterity/weakness spreads from one side to both, rendering my 'good side' lame too.

latest

1st diagnostic PD drug did not feel different, so ideally before trying gold standard Rx, the next step would be to verify a dopamine issue exists with a DAT scan, but one could just start the Rx and know for sure in 2 weeks.  

ability/function

frazzled dexterity, finesse, coordination, strength, balance and stability, generally lowers all ability.  i'm losing ability since 2017 at roughly 4%/yr, so 5 years later i feel 80% able-bodied, 20% not able (on a slippery slope).

issues 

  * multi-system incl autonomic, sensory and motor: vision, mental, sleep, gastrointestinal, dental.

  * body anxiety, swallow/choke, low-energy, weakness, cramps, dribble/drool, slowness, shakiness 

  * pain of constant muscle contraction stiff-neck hunch-lean posture-deforming dystonia

primary issues/hurdles/concerns

frequent body anxiety spells (neurophysical multi-system tension) that spike bp, stiffen neck/posture, cause pain, disrupt sleep and more; choking on own saliva randomly swallowing whatever's in my mouth awake or asleep; losing energy/strength needed to open/close doors incl sliding, losing dexterity/finesse ability to do stuff ex type/dress/eat; no urge constipation requires ongoing laxatives; urinary dribble incontinence/frequency/urgency; fall injuries from losing balance when legs 'freeze' in motion or from stumbling to rear (ranging from 3x/hr to 3x/min).

challenges

first noticed loss of dexterity a few years ago when, first time in my life, I couldn't keep a beat with my left foot or hand.  now, it affects every little thing incl trouble opening soy sauce and utensil packets, bottles, lids, etc...

  * eating when you cant coordinate to cut your food or finesse it into mouth, and thumb-pushing is key. 

  * moving with low agility, cant move quickly/freely, at risk of crossing feet, so move slow/steady.

  * can barely open heavy cafe bathroom doors or lift my car's hood, open car door; all heavier to me.  luckily people of all ages are holding open doors so my weakish juttneck posture and gait must be clearly visible.  when there's no one there to help, I find it almost impossible to handle most doors by myself.

  * everything else (dexterity/finesse are involved with every task) ex standing, grooming, dressing, typing...

  * pain from constant muscle contraction posture dystonia.

borderline impossible (need help)

  * getting sweater or jacket on, can't do it on my own without struggle or cramping shoulder pain; the 3 odd shoulder roll contortions, the range of motion and fine motor coordination involved are too demanding.

  * applying deodorant, pulling/pushing razor to shave, washing my hands, manicures/pedicures, getting socks on, getting things in/out of your pockets with one hand without getting stuck which can trigger phobia.

  * getting in/out of bed, drying off my back (and right side), taking off 100% cotton and 5% stretch t-shirts due to token friction (forced to switch to slicker 50-100% polyester).

  * as of apr/may have needed help to pre-cut food into smaller chunks I can tear apart easier with a fork and opting for foods that don't require cutting ex pulled meat, diced sausage, small cut veggies.

  * re energy/pain/coordination index, at times, any common task could be too much to accomplish before taking a 15min 'laydown' break ex checking mail/email, tidying, folding laundry, prepping meals, washing pans, etc.

low energy

beside odd pains and mysterious anomalies, 2014-16 symptoms that started me on the naturopathic path was low energy, 20-40% running on fumes, less than half the energy I always had prior, even on a good day and it appears my blood/cells may be getting low oxygen thus cant effectively detox and a gene blip may 50% impair absorption of key nutrients ex B vitamins.

two wildcard QoL killers: assorted sleep issues and phobia/anxiety duresses each easily qualify as unbearable and borderline nighmarish, that make you feel so foreign to youself, it's terrifying.

wildcard: sleep issues for 50 years, i always loved climbing into bed, nuzzling into a comfort pleasure zone, falling asleep in any position instantly in seconds. but once body-anxiety and/or mind-anxiety are frequent, the ritual isnt always pleasant; climbing into bed and resting your head into the pillow can become half terrifying making you apprehensive.

sleep is a crap shoot, often an ordeal that has me climb in/out of bed which is it's own hurdle...

* whole body micro tremors, visible on EKG when awake, can become acute and keep awake.

* neck tension can keep awake, but it can border on airway construction too. * random twitching and numbing arms can keep awake

so far, if I take enough hydroxyzine (antihistamine) I can relax the body anxiety/tension and suppress most urges to get up, fall into deep sleep with dim lights and the TV on and get 7-9 hours uninterrupted sleep, grateful to bypass circadian rhythms and blue light theories.

so far nightly hydroxyzine gets me sleep i need, but counteracts most PD meds, so for multiple reasons I'm reluctant to take PD meds, so may prefer to sleep well vs try strong non-curative rx.

wildcard: body anxiety spells (distinct from mind-anxiety)

when your mindset is fine/calm/worry-free, but your body is under stress.  body anxiety is neurology-induced multi-system stress/tension rooted in physical dysfunction, not mindset.  

impaired neuro-signaling not only makes you shake but can induce multi-system stress/dysfunction that skew various functions incl erratic BP, neck tension (that won't relax), body micro tremors, temp sensitivity, urinary urgency, swallowing, sweating, and eventually also trigger acute phobias/anxieties.

  * no matter how relaxed worry-free my mind is, body anxiety can bring acute neck stiffness (that wont relax into pillows), higher bp, restlessness/unease.  once/week it flares-up at night and makes sleep impossible until the flare-up storm passes (antihistamine helps in most cases).  

  * i normally get into bed confident and fall asleep easy within seconds, but if i feel off, or a tense neck refuses to relax, or confirm higher than range bp, then i know it's a body anxiety spell.

  * medicine often suggest a patient with invisible symptoms and tension is suffering from worry/thoughts 'mental' when often anxiety roots in a physical issue, doesn't start in the mind. 

slow moving

  * semi-shuffle walk with no arm swing, and most walks are gradually burdened by stooped posture upper torso forward lean where gravity is used to 'fall forward' to move, move half as fast as many 70+.  gait feels weak, unstable as if exhausted, could trip/keel over, and it must be visible to others as many of all ages now hold doors open for me.  

  * i used to wonder what people walking with two poles was all about, now i'm one of them and, unless it's placebo, it seems to help.  trekking poles improve my ability to walk with half the pain thus twice as far, and per synthesized research act like training wheels to manually send a steady reminder signal to posture muscles to straighten up that it no longer reliably receives.  left stick tends to drag/skip a little, so aim to raise it higher.

  * looking at 7gear ebikes to get around on and use the muscles that need to be exercised beyond basic walking. 

fine-motor adjustment challenges

  * hips unable to make 'scoot-over' fine motor adjustments when seated: chairs, on benches, driver's seat.

  * proprionics not intuitively dynamically pivoting the left foot resulting in excess knee torque.

  * legs at times freeze in place/shake and wont move on demand which is freaky but can risk losing balance.

  * dexterity/finesse for 50+ years was soccer ninja agile, never clumsy, never had food fall off my fork on the way to my mouth, dropped things 2-3x a year and could often catch things I dropped in midair, but now i often fumble.  i could quickfoot maneuver through crowds and around slower people with ease, now everyone else is more agile and maneuvers around my slow heavy foot.

contortions and proprionics

typically we are not aware of how we benefit from proprionics and micro-contortions day to day. it's all second nature, but when we get into a car or into bed, dozens of joints/muscles from head to our toes coordinate to shimmy ourselves over and get into exactly the right position.

for me, everything now takes way more effort because the proprionics are not firing automatically and moving at half speed i don't have the benefit of momentum either, so I have to invest extra effort to deliberately make dozens of such automatic adjustments before I try to sleep or drive.

once routine contortions and proprionics are impaired, everything is a hurdle to negotiate...  

  * ex when your hands are full and you try to get through a cafe door, you can lean a shoulder into it and fling it open with coordination, range of motion and strength I can't source anymore.

  * ex with your hips on a chair, in the driver's seat or on a bench, to make fine adjustments you effortlessly nudge/shimmy/lift a hip/butt to scoot over.  I can't anymore, a drag if driving or in bed.

  * a type of incremental paralysis that hints at 'the future is grim when the walls are closing in'.

typing

typos 5-10x/min due to random double-keyying and finger twitching that requires constant 'undo' corrections.  the quirky keyboard on it's last leg onlyyy makes it worsse; must rrrreplace asap.

slow driving wide-berth line-hugger

  * i drive around almost every day with my back door not properly shut due to under-calculating needed force and it's way too much effort to stop, unbuckle, get out, close it, get back in and rebuckle so I don't.

  * i'm now one of those irritatingly slow drivers with a wide turning radius, with sore shoulders, weak push/pull on the steering wheel so hug the dots on the left and the right, a few times a week antsy drivers honk or speed around me.  power steering feels like rack and pinion, so added a spinner knob on the steering wheel to give me extra leverage to make 10% tighter turns in parking lots faster with less strength to crank the wheel.

  * due to limited motion/dexterity in ankle, i'm slow to get my foot off the brake to the gas pedal so i'm slow off the line and avoid dense traffic.  some days i must step harder on the brake than 'usual' to stop where i want or to keep from inadvertently inching slowly forward.

  * i don't anticipate driving in 2024 and now see the value in driverless cars and could use one.

  * parking: to get out of car i need extra 18" to open my door as wide as it goes, so i can't park in a garage or between two cars anymore.  and if i cant find a lonely spot away from rest, i feel forced to park the right tires on the right line if no other car is there (hate when people park so close you can't get into your car).  must park on perfectly flat ground, the slightest slope determines whether I can get the door open or not.  to get out of the car, i usually rely mostly on right arm strength to pull myself up on the steering wheel, usually on the 3rd 'rocking' attempt, but occasionally get up easy on first try with pure leg strength (most symptoms ebb and flow).  

  * never noticed so much hostility directed at me by other drivers as I see now every week - other drivers get impatient, honk, speed past, flip me the bird - how fast we can fall from invincible to vulnerable.  so unless they're posing a threat doing 35mph on a highway with no hazards, i now cut slow drivers and line huggers way more slack than ever (we never know the backstory).  to broadcast why i slow-drive, i applied for a handicap placard.

chronic pains (persistent or recurring)

posture/back/neck, torso/ribs, shoulder/knee

dormant-for-now symptoms

acute phobias, acute low back pain, light-headed or exhausted spells, very low energy/fatigue, tactile hallucinations formication*, random tongue biting awake/asleep...

*formication is a creepy crawly sensation llike insects crawling on you.  imagine randomly swatting imaginary bugs.  similarly i was asked 3x if i had lost my sense of smell by two neurologists and i answered wrong because it happens so gradually 'you don't realize you've lost it', but i do get strong whiffs of random smell 'hallucinations' that never fit the scenario which is how it happened to me.  now apply that type of erroneous signaling to various other functions in your body creating uncharacteristic issues and you'll paint a mosaic way beyond tremors incl acute phobias/anxieties, mood shift 'edginess', sleep/gait/posture/pain anomalies, whole body vibration 'microtremors' seen on EKGs, etc.  

earliest symptoms re skewed neuro-signalling (partial list)

hot/cold body temp regulator/sensitivity askew (12/16), likely related to sweat glands askew re waxy skin patches (12), throat-lung sphincter askew re random swallowing/drowning/choking on mouthful of saliva awake/asleep or with food/drink (12), urethra sphincter askew so add a kleenex in underpants for extra urinary dribble (12), higher bp (07), muscle burnout (quads) and 5day sore muscle recovery (12/18?), dental issues (2010)...

nose-breathing askew often forced mouth-breathing noticed in yoga/eating/sleeping (03/06), balance/dizziness regulators askew noticed in yoga (06), cramp easily ex toes/feet/calves noticed in bed and hams kneeling in sex (06), feeling weak noticed in sex (06), dry flaky skin patches (06), dry hairless shins (06), sensitivity to bright sounds askew (06?), sensitivity to bright light/glare askew (06?), dry burrning eys from blinking less (14), moments of anxiety (12) and phobias (15), low energy/motivation (10/14), no-odor flatulence (00/14)... 

sciatic attacks (97/03/06), snippy/hostile episodes (90), ibs/gerd: bloated belly distended gut gas (89)... 

random 20-60min spells for no apparent reason (incl after 30min with head in downward tilt*): 

too easily winded/wiped-out spells (noticed in spin/gym class and soccer (07)), cns-tension with high bp/pulse and stiff neck (12/16), blurry vision and auroras (14), faint spells (16), sweat spells (13) and easy muscle burnout (quads) and 6-day soreness recovery (18: possible low aqi link)... 

*downward head tilt and off-kilter/sweat spells: jun 2014 setting up a belly dance stage, jan 2013 trimming bud in a buddy's basement, had similar during athletics: soccer Canada 2011/12, 2007 in my sister's spin class, and skipping rope in a boxing class Germany 1993 and after getting blasted by soccer ball in one ear same year, and dizzy attack playing with cousins 3-4 weeks after concussive injury to rear brain 1981.  

newest symptoms (Q1 2022)

proprionation* askew (dynamic load-balancing adjustments head to toe for every single move) which limits mobility in the shoulder/wrist/finger and hip/ankle/toe joints, impairs balance/stability, impairs ability to make adjustments ex scoot-over (hips/butt) or nudge-over (feet) whether seated or standing, makes getting in/out of bed/car/clothes ever tougher. on more challenging days i barely get the car door open and struggle to get in/out and it's impossible to hide/downplay it.  everless range of motion of neck too.

neck pressure/stiffness: back, sides, front; 24/7 tense neck muscles can border on air restrictive.

*proprionation: the toe foot ankle knee hip joints and the muscles in between are all involved in the dynamic real-time load-balancing coordination in motion.

proprionation

typically we are not cognizant of how we benefit from proprionics and micro contortions day to day, it's all second nature, but when we get into a car or into bed we use various muscles from our hips to our toes to shimmy ourselves over and get into exactly the right position.

for me, this takes a lot of effort now because the proprionics are not firing automatically and moving at half speed i don't have the benefit of momentum either, so I have to invest extra effort to deliberately make such simple adjustments before I try to sleep or drive.

evermore challenging

washing/drying/grooming my right side with left hand. showering takes twice the time, stability, effort, care and unable to dry off quickly you stay wet too long, end up freezing all over; not fun and bath wipes are equally difficult and cold/uncomfortable.  so i had to reduce to 1-2x a week.  i added shampoo and beard trims to my haircuts. and soon monthly pedicures will make sense.

  * evermore drool due to less swallowing and loss of finer 'edge of mouth' facial muscle control.

  * evermore eye burn and bloodshot eyes due to less blinking.

established symptoms (pre-2022)

  * tighter neck stiffness with cramp-lockup. (21) 
  * irregular/high bp and feeling off are part of a body anxiety package. (21)
  * waxy skin patches on scalp (12) spreading to forehead/face/neck/chest aka sweat gland issue. (21) 
  * standing up from sitting often takes 2-3 'rocker' attempts ex chairs, car seats, etc. (21)
  * hips unable to make 'scoot-over' fine motor adjustments when seated: chairs, benches, driver's seat. (21)
  * loss of fine-motor dexterity and strength and joint range of motion makes washing/grooming one side by the other ever tougher ex wrist control needed to apply deodorant in contoured armpit and the pulling/pushing of razor on contours shaving.  i've relied on my dominant side, but now that it is gradually spreading from left to both sides, soon i won't have a steadier dominant side to rely on (which just adds to a nightmarish semi-paralysis 'trapped' scenario). (21)

  * posture dystonia: hair stylist had to pull my shoulders/neck back saying 'relax' 5x during a 15min haircut as the posture kept freakishly pulling the neck/head forward off-axis. (21)
  * general loss of muscle density ex i feel butt bone discomfort on common unpadded chairs. (21)

  * drool edge of mouth day/night, awake/asleep, due in part to over-salvating, reduced swallowing and leaky weak/trembly pucker-lips drinking from bottles and now drink oddly sucking down air.  even with tiny towels on my pillow, drool is one of a few reasons i had to stop side-sleeping.

  * swallowing menace; you never know when the back half of what's in your mouth is going to get shluckt down without warning, so you learn to avoid taking giant bites and fill up your mouth.

  * low to no libido; forced me to realize how meaningless most sex is in the big picture as imagined. (21)

  * low energy, low motivation (17)

  * evermore frequent flatulence - luckily odorless (06)

weak hips 

want to get on the hip machines at the gym but found it was a struggle, too much shaking instability just trying to get in/out of the leg and hip machines. it generally feels like i could easily get stuck in a machine unable to pull the pins and maneuver out without needing to cry out for help.  could use a trainer, or a pilates parkinson's pro.

posture dystonia

hair stylists keep pulling my head/neck back 5x in a 15min haircut urging me to 'relax' as it creeps forward.  dystonia is a disorder characterized by involuntary muscle contractions that cause abnormal postures; signals get stuck 'contracting' too much, not relaxing enough.  and it tends to be a range of painful day to day.

joint pain/strain from impaired neuro-muscular transmitter signaling

  * daily posture pain starts the day as dull achy 0 to 3 pain level, as the day progresses it can swell to 4 to 6 levels where I might start to lay down frequently, if it hits 6+, i'll start dosing CBD Tylenol or muscle relaxer.

  * pain flare-ups in right shoulder and left knee both from daily torque due to fine motor impairments not able to make dynamic real-time load adjustments across the entire physiology head to toe.  the ball of left foot wont pivot intuitively so the L knee gets torqued many times a day.  same with R shoulder.

  * torso/back pain (low back for years, rose to mid upper back incl neck as posture dystonia de- and reforms).

neurology visits

• Prognosis & Next Steps With Neurologist Dr Massa (Apr 7 2022)
• parkinson's post-MRI: neurologist #3 movement disorder specialist Dr Massa  (Feb 9, 2022)
• parkinsonism pre-MRI: neurologist #3 movement disorder specialist Dr Massa  (Nov 4, 2021)
• neurologist Dr Karan suggests Parkinson's on-sight (Jun 3, 2021)
• my visit to two neurologists: Dr. Bhattacharyya (Feb 2019) & Dr. Karan (Jun 2017)

related posts

• PD non-motor symptoms are often the most troublesome and precede the PD diagnosis by decades: blood pressure, ibs/gerd, constipation, urinary issues, sleep disorder, cramping, random swallowing/choking, dizzy/sweat spells  (Jun 22, 2022)
  
• 40 Earliest Signs of Parkinson's incl 10 Vision | my invisible non-motor symptoms triple the visible motor symptoms  (Feb 3, 2022)
  
  
• What Not to Say to Someone with PD
• 10 things not to say to someone with a brain injury
  
  
• MRI-guided Focused Ultrasound (no incision surgery) to remove tumors and cancers; applied to tremors in Parkinson's
• Alternative Treatments for PD: Hyperbaric Oxygen Therapy (HBOT), Neurofeedback Therapy, Glutathione injections
• Cannabis and Parkinson's Disease - cannabis good for nausea, pain, anxiety

coping/focus

take my focus generally day to day; when tougher go task to task; and if anxiety acute moment to moment and try to make it funny.  so i generally try to not get frazzled, not let others aggravate, stay not too cold in winter, not too warm in summer. 

quality of life vs enduring misery

happiness is the ability to work and do things free of help/struggle/pain and body anxiety (incl bathing, grooming, dressing, typing, walking, driving, sleeping) and to enjoy coffee/drinks on a deck/patio near a water fountain without frequent interruptions ex bathroom trips (not my life post 2020).

as your abilities lessen you must lower expectations

if stuck in a body with degenerative illness, as you lose 4% dexterity/ability/function every year, you must lower your expectations in tandem as to what QOL you can still accomplish or enjoy.  when you can't do much without help/struggle/pain and body anxiety, when bathing, grooming, dressing, typing, walking and sleeping are big accomplishments, quality of life is gradually nullified as meaningless.  that's when fast-tracking peaceful transitions incl Belgian-grade euthenasia sooner than later matters.

a life incapacitated, trapped in your body or mind due to incurable illness, endless drugs/treatments and rehab/assistance in my view equate 'artificial life support', so it's key we see merit in doing the right thing: pull the plug, dose me out painless and peacefully vs endure slow wildcard decline/misery.

a disability, injury or disease that suddenly takes your legs or hearing has plenty of high hurdles, but progressive dysfunction across multiple systems in tandem incl too many wild card variables.  many in such a trap will see no point to endure chronic pain/struggle/misery hoping family/friends do best to fast track (not block/slow) their choice to go by peaceful transition.

the inability to nose-breathe effectively is reason enough to feel trapped/suffocated/anxious and want out. same goes for balance, hot/cold issues, incontinence, chronic pain and a lot of things.  anxiety, phobias and sleep issues are each able to nullify QoL.  if you can no longer live the life you want, doing what you want, when QoL is too low, prolonging life becomes pointless.

if you're able to sleep easily without any gimmicks or tricks, your multisystem neurology is high functioning and QoL is likely good.  once the neurology is erratic, QoL gets impaired in tandem.

if you're single no kids with chronic symptoms stacking ie. degenerate disease ex neurological and you struggle to swallow/breathe/sleep/move and to open your takeout food with bare hands to eat it, when many things grate on the nerves incl every bright light glare and high pitch sound that people tend to make or emit, it's high time to pack your bags, check out and head home.

the only reason to take Rx is if you believe a miracle cure may soon fall from the sky.  the odds are null, so fast-track the belgian mercy train.  many fear growing ever older, I fear growing ever sicker.

i just hope to have the courage to say no to non-curative Rx (i'm on 3 too many since 2010), and say yes to comfort medicine, yes to liberate a trapped body-mind-spirit that deserves to be free.

best way to go

the best ways to die is instantly by sniper killshots to head or get vaporized in a nuclear blast.

worst way to go

the worst way to die is when we trust CIA media and get coerced/compelled by a brainwashed medical establishment run by mandate fascists vaxpushers (ex fauxi) to wear masks causing neurotoxicity and to take dangerous neurotoxic medicines and see a dramatic 40% rise in all-cause deaths incl many from excess co2 too little oxygen, vaccine-related injuries and agonizing 'natural causes'.

avoid: neurotoxins incl vaccines, masks and high emf hospitals

  * keep these away from me (and fellow chronic pain and disease-vulnerable victims ex neurological), at home, in facilities, hospitals, and public places

  * masks, vaccines and gender transition rx for kids are all child abuse.  

  * 0.0% kids die from rona, yet child abusers (blue counties) coerce/mandate risky leaky vaccines into kids' arms and force kids to wear masks that force them to inhale too much CO2 and too little oxygen for hours at a time which creates a neurotoxic internal environment and leads to chronic degenerative illness and death.  mask fibers are also neurotoxic.

avoid: fuaxi-loyal enthusiast MDs who dont know key AIDs facts

  * fauxi pushed AZT which killed every AIDs/cancer patient it was given to and nobel-laureate grade super scientists and virologist Peter H. Duesberg challenged fauxi from the onset, proved HIV does not cause AIDs, thus made himself a nuisance to fauxi complex profits, so his career was defunded/destroyed/buried.  

  * Duesberg went on to author books: Inventing The AIDS Virus (1986) and Infectious AIDS: Have We Been Misled? (1995), and The HIV Hoax: 2000 Virologists Cannot Be Wrong (2014).

let's close with a recap of my health-related opinions on medicine, masks, vaccines...

• forcing masks and vaccines on kids under 18 who have a 0.0% chance of death or severe illness from covid et al (incl monkeypox) and a far higher risk of both from the vaccine, is both fascist coercion and straight-up child abuse (no matter how you spin it to justify). 
• masks, vaccines and gender transition rx for kids under 18 are all forms of child abuse.  


• censorship of diverse data/discussion/viewpoints, blacklisting and canceling people's work/livelihoods and jailing people with non-conformist views is also textbook fascism.
  
  
• if you don't know that there are various petroleum plastics in the breast milk supply fed to infants since the 1980s, then you may not be well informed (since the 80s) by your media.
  
  
• if you believe that HIV causes AIDS when it doesn't and was proven false from the very start by nobel-laureate-grade Dr Duesberg (who was then targeted, smeared, blacklisted, defunded, destroyed by the fauxi complex), then you and the entire medical media establishment, may be misinformed since the 1980s proving corrupt cheats and liars win; Fauxi's 40+ year brainwash scams do prevail over proven science, hook, line and sinker.  
  
  
• truthful accurate facts/logic (ex medical/political) and legitimate science usually do not prevail and will instead be forever labeled 'conspiracy theory' ex. HCQ and IVM are viable cheap 40+ years proven safe early treatments for covid known from the start by smart science doctors, yet are being rationed/pulled/blocked by the fauxi fascist establishment.