3/1
do not prolong life at all costs. this is my philosophy, but it takes courage to honor it that I may eventually lose through progressive chronic inflammation that spreads to the tissues that control phobia/anxieties and thus turn me into jelly version of myself: a hypocrite.
if/when we start the inevitable case by case exception-making, its a slippery slope paved road to hell.
surgeons have skills no doubt.
don't want to be knocked out and risk coming to too early or half hearing conversations or feeling excessive pain or wanting to scream stop but unable to etc.
everyone has genetic flaws and genetic fate inherent. short of gene editing and stems cell, there are few other interventions i'm open to. appendicitis is an automatic operation, but i'd like to think there has to be a way to cure it non-surgically and if not.
my family and most of society trust doctor labcoats and will easily be sold on latest interventions so i can't trust most to value what I do the way i do. i see rehab and nutrition as the ideal treatments for everything and you either get better, start hospice care or checkout.
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the level of pain static numbness or emptiness as in 'shell of oneself', literal and metaphorical, is often way higher than is observable.
we've all been ill with flu feeling like we'd rather have someone shoot us to put us out of our misery, then we find a way to rest/relax or sleep it off and 24-48 hours later things turn around as the storm passes through. had someone put us down, we would be satisfied with it. only the survivors get bothered with regret, never the dead they mourn. true for survivors of fallen cops and military.
with flu and most illness we typically only need one, two or three days to turn around, rarely more.
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i watch dr. pol on natl geographic and see all that veterinary medicine does for wildlife and livestock, but when it gets real bad, vets will never let an animal suffer very long before administering a merciful 5min euthenasia dose. Ii want the treatment livestock and wild animals get, use horses, pigs, deer and coyote as benchmark. with pets we prolong suffering as if human, yet pets still get offered 'merciful euthenasia' by doctors, authorities and strangers, that 'civilized' humans are not.
if my agents or i make exceptions to directive, case by case, it's a slippery slope but ok. if the state or care professionals break it without consent, and pain/suffering result, that is not ok.
chronic inflammation/infections make us ill and change our character integrity, make us gruff/grumpy/impatient no matter how calm or sweet we may have been in earlier years.
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of the top politics I care about incl missing persons, human trafficking/slavery, pedophilia, the one I talk least openly about is the most important because it applies to each and every living human being.
fear suffering more than dying
half afraid of dying (enough to cry out for nature/creator's 'lord have mercy') but 100x more afraid of suffering across days weeks years. slow torture is far worse than death (freedom).
while pro peaceful death, violent death, if instant enough is also better than prolonged suffering.
combat zone survivors must live with physical mental emotional scars forever whereas the fallen are instantly free of pain and suffering. the misery and pain is not at all comparable so i am pro-suicide as a valid honorable option for veterans of wars/rape/trauma who have tried other courses of coping long enough and are ok to free themselves, held back only by family who dont 'get it'. they should not be made to feel guilty ever for wanting to end misery and nightmares.
people dont want to die, but sometimes the life they're living slides onto a chronic downhill slope and eventually becomes the less desirable option, death becomes the better 'freedom' choice in the equation, one people with better health, spared debilitating chronic issues, who have luckier genes cannot grasp or relate to or speak to.
we all gonna die. enjoy life as long as you can free from minimal chronic inflammation, pain and emotional/neurological crazies and close it out with a peaceful passing or instant shutdown in a peaceful outdoor surrounding doing something that makes you happy.
instant shutdown rapid decay
i prefer my body return to the earth instantly. dropping dead in the backwoods then consumed by wild animals birds and maggots would be ideal. coffins are the exact opposite, just more slow decay. cremation is key. instant shutdown rapid decay.
jaded attitude or angry disposition
angry people or outbursts may be due to similar internal inflammation, same for pets that atypically growl or bite. when something is inflamed, no telling what could happen behaviorally one minute to next. and much of it is purely an instinctual result of confusion and foggy brain.
animal mercy
when an animal is suffering after getting badly mangled in barbed wire or hit by a car, be it a bird, cat, dog or deer, if they're clearly not able to return to the wild to survive/thrive, whether stunned quiet or crying in agony, the right thing to do is to put a 'under 20% chance animal' out of their misery with a shovel or buck shot to head. we show animals way more mercy to 'end it quickly' than culture/society and the medical system, gives dying humans. humans are forced to suffer until the bitter end, keep alive at all costs.
3/18
age with vitality or demise with disease or RTD with any diagnosis, terminal or not.
3/19
the battlefield | children's hospitals | embrace the end
some think it may be gruesome, but dying instantly by bombing or by bullet on battlefield is far more preferable than surviving, captured or not, many end up living tortured for rest of life. same true in car accidents or getting struck down by this or that organ failure, better to die quick vs survive it with lifelong gradual demise of systems by some slow torture degenerating disease.
we see amazingly resilient kids battling cancer, autoimmune, neurological and mobility challenges in children's hospital TV ads, the handful seen in ads do seem impressively cheery and hopeful. but these amazingly well-adapted kids represent the top 5% able to cope better due to sheer luck. This is true for most documentaries featuring some ailment remedy or facility. never seen are the vast majority who wish their parent/guardians and healthcare system would listen with open mind/heart to anyone any age pleading pleading to fast-track end of life mercy options as the single highest priority, all the token 'relative good' days and cycles of happiness and hope notwithstanding.
90% of these kids are never going to enjoy life outside of the hospital as humans should, they are just another 'keep alive' human experiment benefiting stop the 5% depicted, not the vast majority.
if you could have 10 athletic grade days for every down day, life might still not be worth the nightmare horror terror for many. and when 'good days' are relative to high intensity debilitating disease days aka just a lower intensity of your ailment (ex. dizzy breathing movement torso pain numbing and phobias), you have to wonder what the point and purpose is in dragging out the inevitable if you can't 90% reverse the damage on a downhill sloping one-way street.
that's when celebrating life by embracing the courage to venture out on a one-way ticket to the other side, choosing your poison, your last concoction, running heroically into the fire to rescue yourself and your dignity, makes sense. let us meet our maker, face a new future, seek the ultimate freedom.
3/20
pain suffering horror is subjective | torture of loved ones should be ended
if in pain or discomfort incl all-sensory static of the mind body emotions phobias 3 of 7 days/wk, in my view, that is all we should need to qualify for end of life rx vs the rare 6-months left to live diagnosis.
'pain suffering and horror' are subjective relative to each person so are difficult to measure judge by onlookers if the patient isn't a wordsmith. something may look unbearable to outsiders but isn't to them or inversely they look happy in good spirits, but we can't see all the discomfort they're masking. culturally we really cant listen to everyone's list of ailments as it reminds us of ill-health taboo topics.
if a patient's debilitating disease/pain/discomfort progression can't be 90% reversed by any frequency/resonance technologies incl ultrasound/rife/tesla/pemf or any micro/macro nutrient intervention… and the patient knows death is a final option, a one-way ticket, that they will never see anyone or any show or do anything fun again (on earth)… and to them it still seems like the single best high value option to end the relentless pain-discomfort and frightening anxiety-phobias, then we should listen to the patient no matter how ill or how old. that's what I believe, lets not wait until we have only nn months to live. torture of loved ones in all its forms should be ended.
those who can't speak for whatever reason are in a special situation very difficult to assist.
3/21
1850s life expectancy was 39.
life support by technology incl regular injections, oxygen, long-term ever higher dependence on rx incl blood pressure, and never making an alt medicine or diet change effort to ween off it doesnt help.
hippocratic 'no harm' medicine typically doesnt amplify our body's DNA/immune system to work with the 'disease process' to do its natural healing leaving a big door open to modalities that claim they do.
if we start Rx drug regime covered by insurance, also find ways to ween/cleanse/augment it to amplify the autoimmune/dna with alt/natural remedies/nutrition and bioelectric vibration sciences not covered.
if you can't evacuate yourself in an emergency or rough it camping for a week on only water and power bars, you're a liability and a risk to the herd.
if you can't stand walk bend squat lunge or get up down stairs with abundant energy for 3+ hours at work or play, you're ability to work aka livelihood is in trouble.
if you can't reverse the numbing static and borderline unsteady balance breathing and angst phobia that are as disturbing to the quality of life as all else, it doesn't take long to get to the point of 'not worth all the effort' to fight the root inflammation. and with extremely restricted end of life options, one can grasp and explain why there's such a high rate of suicide for ailments incl intense ear ringing. they say suicide is the result of sickness when many times its really the ultimate freedom from sickness.
the passing should be pleasant enough for family to watch real-time from across the room. only pull the plug on life support incl nutrition/hydration/oxygen if death is quick, pain and fear-free. mercy would dictate administering a euthenasia dose that allows for pleasant passing before pulling the plug.
proceed to basic autopsy of tissue organ/gut inflammation status, final bloodwork, organ donation, etc.
if lots of pain, admin the most natural least processed drug with least horrific/nuerological side fx.
temporary setbacks due to injury recovery and 'good' day cycles notwithstanding, if for longer than a short setback/rehab period, i can't dance alone safely or have a good time grooving to good music funk blues jazz world etc or cant do minimal gripping as casual roadie, then there isn't much point left.
3/23
if you no longer have precise control of your foot placement thus were at risk of falling going about your normal routines, then you are at risk of falling thus of serious head injury which is not ideal.
positive reinforcement is always great practice we all were taught to do on our own as toddler/preteens, but it only works in degrees and doesn't always work. death proves it.
the system is killing us in any of many horrific ways outside of our control, why not exit the high risk horror show on our own terms when we're still healthy enough to pull the lever? if we were truly free, the bill of rights would grant us the right 'to choose our poisons and euthenize to end pain'.
a new friend is a guy in an old buddy's band who gradually became blind as a teen, first noticed visual anomalies in college soccer. he always was a comic social extrovert, had bands, got married has a child. he's always in good spirits, he makes it look easy, but he is unique and has a caring entourage, lives a life surrounded by people who help him to bathrooms in crowded places and travel to/from gigs. his symptoms seem fixed, not worsening. many won't have his same spirited social character/support group, are more introverted specially as conditions evolve/spread unchecked.
healthwise, there's always someone worse off than you who seems to be coping far better. due to thousands of genetic variations, you can't go by that. you can only compare yourself to yourself. for example, we can accept that by age 65 its normal to lose 20% strength/balance/coordination/vitality if we are more sedentary than a gym/sport freak, but more is a quality of life issue to investigate/plan for.
a daily injection regime is akin to life support whether its glucose vitamins minerals or other nutrients.
if treatment regimes can't reverse rejuvenate natural self-healing mechanisms and restore 25%+ of my peak strength endurance recorded in boot camp at age 19 aka if I can't play ball at 25% speed intensity of my youth or complete a mile in 24min, then get your one way ticket booked.
where to draw the line?
if by car accident, structure collapse, violent attack, epidemic, sudden onset disease, infection...
if you are forced to lose your limbs, would life be worth continuing if it was unlikely your brain/nerve function would remain in tact? how many limbs do you think you could handle losing and adapt?
what if it was due to some odd disease they dont fully grasp and cant guarantee it wont spread to all limbs, organs and the mind, would 'heroic keep alive at all costs' worth it? where do you draw the line?
3/24
since 2/28 downward spiral good days allow me good ambitious disposition, 4 of 7 days start out 10-20% above borderline 50%, and get another 10% better in the afternoons where i feel ok enough to do my routines incl research best next steps. hope the ratio improves to 6 of 7 'better' days soon.
the pace distance confidence of a walk, either brisk strong strides vs a slower careful stroll are all decent indicators of overall status.
a basic autopsy makes sense to benefit rest of family for their own benefit, specifically any infections in dental, bloodwork, gut in tandem with donatation routines.
DNR: a second chance at life sounds great if if came with few risks and if you have robust physically fit metabolism/genes with no history of chronic infection inflammation, pain numbing, one-side weakness, balance coordination, suffocation issues or amplified sensitivities incl vision/hearing and phobia/anxieties.
GAME REDUCTION
Life culture is largely reduced to a matrix of games contests gamble. Every show circus casino dating game, stock exchange, vegas, hollywood. To make death more digestable less taboo to talk about openly anytime, we might reduce it to a game with rules that dictate 'when this then that' protocols, when the ball is in the goal or out of bounds, when the game is over.
If you have chronic issues/static/pain: 1 point. If you score a neurological, autoimmune, metabolic or other major debilitating diagnosis (fatal or not): 1 point, if late stage: 2 points. If you lose integrity of your senses/memory/confidence: 1 point. If you lose your strength 2x faster than is reasonable: 1 point. If you lose motor skills/functions or solo groom/mobility: 1 point. If you are unable to swallow or breathe properly: 1 point. If you cant be semi athletic to 30% your peek 20 year old (6min/mile) fitness or work/romp/play without pain/issues/fear of passing out: 1 point.
Regardless of age, once you score 3 points for an extended period ex. 12 months, and no stem cell or alt therapy ex vibration/holistic/aryurvedic are significantly reversing symptoms vs holding steady or merely taking the edge off aka 'borrowing time/prolonging', then it's time to plan a final power play.
If you get struck by an ailment that locks you in your mind body emotions and you can't express yourself, and you won't regain 25% your semi-athleticism even with months of costly therapy: 3 points.
[from 3/27]
Each root canal/crown, metal/petroleum filling: 1/2 point.
For each toxic Rx you take, no matter the justification: 1 point.
and if we get into the slippery but inevitable business of making exceptions to these guidelines, let three dental exceptions: 1 point.
they're all out of pocket not covered, so if it cost more than $500/mo and 18 months of treatment to try to get healthy and regain half of my always active semi-athletic 6.5 days/wk fun/productive self incl sport/dance on wknd: 1 point.
at 3 points you win the game, high scores go into sudden death overtime aka power play.
[from 3/29]
Lose 2 limbs: 1 point. Get bionic replacements cancels the point. Lose ability to swallow properly: 1 point. To breathe freely: 1 point.
In progressive agony of a disease: 1 point. If it's potentially fatal contagious disease ex. measels where odds of slow agony suffering are 100% and odds of painful death higher than marginal for gen pop thus higher for suboptimal systems: 2 points.
average Joe 2010+ goes to gym 3x a week and/or plays sport, but average Joe 1980s did no gym. average Joe 1960s was not athletic or obese and lived longer stronger than his sporty friends.
We can die fast and sudden or slow torturous terrified, which way do you want to go? answer is obvious for most.
DNR: do not rescuscitate if high risk of excess neural pain or paralysis. Do not crowd my body or put me in ziplock body bag or dark drawer (or coffin) or pull a sheet over head for 30+min of last pulse.
3/27
dentistry incl bridges not performed by holistic biologic dentist lead to timed-release neurotoxins and cascading infections from the mouth to any/all tissues incl majors organs.
so if you can't invest in non-toxic mouth health, you're overall health may be in jeopardy. the day you can't get your mouth non-toxic, is the day stealth systemic sepsis can start scoring points and anything can happen. get your directive in order start planning your exit.
trust cops sooner than most dentists, functional medicine naturopath NDs over most doctor MDs.
For each toxic Rx you take, no matter the justification: 1 point.
If you knew you were innocent got framed and on your way to prison for 20 years and knew you'd never get a fair shake, and you had a chance to break flee, would you make a break and run for it?
if you had a hunch a stealth inflammation/infection was slowly spreading to overstimulate frazzled nerves, muscles shaking/weak, creeping numbing, borderline breathing/balance with days of pain evermore relentless, feel hungover/sensitive to light/sound and phobias/anxieties, as if inflammation is spreading static/interference into multiple tissue organ systems, unsure where it might turn next and when, would you prepare as best you can?
static across all tissues functions incl balance and breathing ultimately amplifying anxiety phobias and feeling not like oneself are immeasurable but relevant and while victims accusing another of violent crimes must be trusted and verified, a victim's immeasurable unverifiable complaints of such types can only be trusted as real and weighted the same, even if it can never be verified.
Dr 'Mercy' Kervorkian gave his patients what they wanted: freedom from a 'keep alive' system default.
once stable, let all care be guided by:
1st) naturopath, diet, resonance stimulation technology incl pemf, rife, tesla, ultrasound
2nd) low risk addiction/sidefx Rx as form of mercy.
if multiple rounds of 1) ND FM don't work to take over from 2) strong Rx in 24-72hrs... then explore ways to fast-track mercy RTD-EOL-AID protocols as it can take 2+ weeks with your paperwork in order which itself is an eternity to the needy.
and get me to a outdoor/garden hospice paradise, birds chirping in foreground, medium size dogs barking in distance. dont crowd my face neck, skin or bed. need arms length x2 in a crowd.
I like the low-rx low-invasive approach of functional medicine incl. holistic dentistry doctors neurologists and the drive to reduce total toxic burden.
3/29
resuscitate reanimate 'keep alive' is the cultural default with no regard for victim's quality of life history.
The cases of over-eager organ harvesting to benefit a victim who has a family they provide for, may be super rare specially from someone 50+ with a myriad of neuropathic/metabolic MTHFR-related issues.
So perhaps safe to donate organs as long as they don't accidentally or otherwise reanimate my dead body brain soul and share contact info of organ recipients as validation the process really happens.
beyond our 5 senses, i'd say 6th is balance/coordination and 7th is wit/memory. if 6th and 7th aren't 85%, then any simple task at home or in public incl fetching groceries become real risks of injuries.
4/8
wild west vs mass casualty triage
natural or not, we all prefer to die quickly or peacefully vs slow, terrified or in agony.
the wild west frontier likely had more mercy. if an animal or human had a terrible accident or disease, were in agony with a slim chance of returning to survival working strength, they'd give them either a merciful concoction or bullet to end the misery. no doctor was needed to administer euthenasia.
today in a mass casualty triage incident, instead of let red-tagged souls clearly choking and agonizing in shock/terror, someone could dose them a mercy cocktail to end the agony/horror in 5min, yet they do not. frontier folk in the wild west are depicted as doing the merciful thing if the end was inevitable.
now, the default system/law and culture/relations predictably block all exits and all merciful options.
4/11
refusal to rehab, like refusal to eat, should not be shamed/chastised but respected. physio rehab is only worth the effort if it can reverse 90% debilitating progress and regain 90% of your innate weekend gym strength/flexibility within 3-4 months of rehab. longer odds could be too frustrating to positively engage what seems a futile struggle if you have frazzled nerves.
spirits easily feel trapped.
it isn't death we fear, it's getting stuck half dead half alive, trapped in prolonged state of fear pain horror panic for longer than is humane.
dentists can give us a whole new set of fake teeth and restore 100% of our eating function. doctors often cant do that without introducing a lifetime dependency on more Rx, surgery and interventions.
sudden painless death as an Rx side fx, for a childfree single with slowly debilitating chronic issues is acceptable, but most other side fx tend to only add more layers of issues, pain, MDs and Rx into mix.
open to pop 2-3 pills nightly, prefer veggie coated over tablets. open to supplements, prefer to eat vitamins/minerals as powder/lozenges over pills.
walks: i avoid flat paved paths, prefer mildly uneven dirt gravel thatch, soft shoulders. its better for head-to-toe proprioception/balance. i rarely trip even if looking at phone, but if do i always recover in stride. ex-infantry/ex-soccer I know my body balance strength, so i never actually fall and know to tumble sport-like to minimize injury. if I actually do fall, it'll mean something.
4/14
if i can't wipe own drool, change own diaper, brush own teeth, feed self, change the channels, ring the bell, evacuate myself or help in a crisis...
have we ever seen an amputated or paraplegic farm animal? farms have euthenasia doses on hand to admin emergency mercy. every household should be allowed the same standby option on hand.
4/15
if i can't dance or sway aka enjoy music, roadie a little, what's the damn point? let music be therapeutic and a metric, as long as it moves me and i seem to enjoy it, let that be some kind of bottom line if i can't otherwise communicate aka the day it loses its medicinal value, and my chances of 90% reversal/recovery are grim, it's time to exit the party, head home.
4/16
"when an animal is suffering and not turning a corner with nutrition hydration in 24 hrs and chance of survival is only 20%, it's time to do the humane thing: euthenize." ~exotic animal ER
excising cancers or tumors has never been a cure, never prevents relapse and all surgery risks micro trauma and infection. avoid all surgeries to the maximum degree.
4/17
anti-smoking ads and combat vets prove death is better option vs a lifetime of trauma/coping.
instead of strong medicine, if grim diagnosis, terminal or not, then a calm not hyper larger than small therapy dog ex border collie, makes a lot of sense in tandem with any/all other comfort treatments.
these are my wants, many not yet legal, but i feel all should be universal, if free will matters.
if fast-moving infectious disease or tragic critical accident, please fast-track mercy options.
if i refuse to continue treatment ex. shots, feeding, rehab, knowing the grim consequences, honor my refusals as relevant last ditch animal-nature ways of communicating desire.
refusal to rehab, like refusal to eat, should not be shamed/chastised but respected. physio rehab is only worth the effort if it can reverse 90% debilitating progress and regain 90% of your innate weekend gym strength/flexibility within 3-4 months of rehab. longer odds could be too frustrating to positively engage what seems a futile struggle if you have frazzled nerves.
4/18
alex trebek aims to 'fight' pancreatic cancer with 5% odds of success; give me liberty or death.
a moth or bird trapped inside flying against the window trying to get back to life outside, if nobody helps, then they live unproductive high stress lives until they starve or someone sets them free or snuffs them out, both better options than living permanently trapped in misery.
anyone who brings up toddler-grade 'mind over matter' and 'think positive' examples in a sanctuary care environment must be silenced and removed from the room by any means.
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